Guinness
by Hogulus
Summary: (FFTA) Ever wonder what happened to everyone's favorite bully? One-shot.


Hi! Well, it's disclaimer time! Final Fantasy Tactics and all related characters are copyrights of Square-Enix. (I think that's what they're calling themselves now.) Now that that's over with, hope you like the story! BTW, you might have seen this as part of an earlier fic, "Classmates," I was planning on making but stopped after this chapter. The thing is, I WAS going to do parts of it for everyone in Marche's class besides Mewt, Marche, and Ritz. Then I realized that the only people left were two girls with no dialogue and randomly-generated names. So instead, I decided to make it a one-shot. Enjoy!  
  
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Guinness  
  
"Mewt! EAT SNOWBALL!"  
  
It was a cold winter day, just like any other. Guinness chucked a snowball at the class wimp, smiling as it impacted directly into his face. Guinness loved snowball fights, especially when he wasn't on Mewt's team. That kid is such an easy target, he thought, as he ducked to get out of the way of an incoming snowball. Hiding behind a small bump in the ground, he waved his hand to his friends Colin and Lyle, indicating that this was the right time to move out. The three jumped out and ambushed Mewt with snowballs, all hitting their mark.  
  
"Hey!" Guinness heard Ritz yell and groaned. Whiny little whitey-locks. She always had to barge in on their fun. Couldn't she keep to herself for once? Guinness busied himself making more snowballs, preparing to nail her in the back mid-sentence, then watched an especially large snowball sail through the air and whack Mewt in the forehead, knocking him to the ground.  
  
"Mewt! Are you all right?" The new kid was consoling Mewt. "Your forehead's bleeding!"  
  
"That snowball had a rock in it!" said Ritz. Guinness chuckled to himself, the image of the rock-loaded snowball cutting Mewt still fresh in his mind.  
  
"Hey, we didn't throw any rocks!" Colin yelled to the pink-haired tattletale.  
  
"It's Mewt's fault for being so lame!" Guinness chimed in, laughing with his friends.  
  
"Colin, Lyle, Guinness, come with me. This snowball fight is over. The rest of you can go home." Mr. Leslaie was going to chew them out for sure. Guinness prayed that his parent's wouldn't get a note sent home, and reluctantly followed his teacher.  
  
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Guinness got home about an hour later. Luckily, he didn't get in too much trouble, but only because he didn't throw the snowball. Colin got detention for a week. When his parents asked him where he was, he hastily explained that he was talking to his friends. He went up to his room and played his Game Boy (Super Mario Advance 5, none of that weird Final Fantasy crap Mewt always played) for a while, then went to bed. He drifted off to sleep. He had some strange nightmares about a woman with a scythe transforming into some form of blue blob, and about huge armored people riding giant metal chickens.  
  
The next morning, he opened his eyes and saw a dilapidated slum around him. "Where the hell am I?!" he yelled out, also wondering how he got here. He looked around and saw a huge, orange lizard and a person, both lying on the ground next to him. He looked down at himself, and saw that his skin was covered with white fur. He flinched back in surprise, and felt an odd pulling as if there was a weight on a string attached to his head.  
  
"Okay, this is just getting weird." Guinness looked at the human and lizard on the ground, both unconscious. The human may have been wearing a huge steel helmet and armored chest plate, but he could easily pick Colin's spiky hair and freckles. The lizard was wearing some kind of pointed, red helmet, but he recognized Lyle's green scarf. Meanwhile, he looked at himself in a mirror lying on the ground. The weight on his head that he had felt earlier was a red, spiked-on-one-side ball tethered to his head, poking through a green bandana. For the first time, he noticed that he had a knife at his belt. He reached over to wake his friends up, when he heard someone yelling.  
  
"Hey, you! This is our turf! Beat it!"  
  
"Macgregor, don't you want to see who these kupos are? They might be from the palace, and Clan Scylla doesn't need any more kupo from them." Guinness looked over at the two voices. The first was a man wearing a purple ninja costume with a katana to match, and the second was another furry thing like himself, only with a cap on his head and a holster on his belt. "Or it might be another amnesia case, like that one kupo in Cyril. He turned out pretty strong, you know? And if he's just some little kupo who wants trouble-" he drew the pistol, a red six-shooter, and aimed it at Guinness' head "-he won't live long enough to kupo us."  
  
"Excuse me, why the kupo do you keep saying kupo- wait, why do I keep saying kupo?!" Guinness still had absolutely no idea where or what he was.  
  
"Chalk another one up for Brean, kupo!" the moogle said, holstering his gun. "An amnesia case! Eponine, get out here, it's your turn to train the rookie." Guinness saw someone walk out of a run-down shop. At first, she looked like a normal woman in a ninja suit, but then he noticed her bunny ears and brown fur.  
  
"Oh, fine... Look, whatever your name is-"  
  
"It's Guinness, kup- DAMMIT! WHY THE KU- er, HELL DO I KEEP SAYING KUPO?!" The rabbit-woman chuckled, then went on.  
  
"You're a moogle, that's why. I don't really understand it either. Anyways, this is Jagd Dorsa in the country of Ivalice. My species is known as Vieras, and your unconscious friend over there is a Bangaa," she said, pointing to the unconscious lizard/Lyle. "NEVER call them lizards. Why don't I wake those two up? Oh, and I assume you know the other one is a human." She walked over to the sleeping Lyle and Colin and slapped them both in the face. They flinched for a second, then came to.  
  
"Wait, where the hell am I?"  
  
"What isss thisss placcce? And why am I hisssing?"  
  
"Wait... Lyle, is that you? And Guinness?"  
  
"Glad you two have woken up, kupo!" Guinness said. "Listen, I'm still not sure what the kupo's going on here. Lyle, you're something called a bangaa, and I'm a moogle, kupo. This lady here is Eponine, a viera."  
  
"Hey! Don't act like you just found this all out on your own!" Eponine yelled out jokingly. "Anyways, we're members of a little group called Clan Scylla. We need 3 more members, our previous clanners went to the slammer and we can't post bail. If you join us, we'll explain how everything happens in this world. Deal?"  
  
"Hmm... ssseemsss fair. I'm in!"  
  
"I'll join, kupo!"  
  
"This is creeping me out... OK, if it means I can get out of this place and back to St. Ivalice."  
  
---  
  
"Okay, we've given these merchants a fake map that'll lead them straight into our base. They'll be carrying a full shipment of Angel Rings, probably a couple hundred. Now, we don't want to take too many. If we do, they go out of business, no more Angel Rings for us. Even worse, they might put up a bounty. Got it?" In this briefing, Eponine had pretty much summed up all of Clan Scylla - a bandit clan, but an unusually savvy one. They took just a little money, enough to keep themselves going and fairly well-off, but not enough to draw too much attention and to put their victims out of business. Guinness and his friends had been with the clan for almost an Ivalice-year now, and they fully understood the law system (and therefore, why Scylla stayed in the jagds).  
  
"Uh, Eponine? Why aren't Macgregor and kupo- er, Brean with us?"  
  
"Brean went out gambling, he heard there was a Calling Gun being offered up for jackpot, as well as a rat tail. Macgregor went looking for Materite or Leestone or something like that. Don't worry, these are accessory merchants, not arms dealers. We should be able to take them. Now, I'll run in and Shadowbind them all. While they're stopped, Guinness, you'll take no more than 30 rings. Lyle, Colin, if any of them become un-stopped, you beat the crap out of them, but DO NOT finish them off! Remember, we don't want a bounty or any crazed vengeful maniacs!" Eponine peeked her head out from behind the crumbling inn. "Here they come now! GO, GO, GO!"  
  
A moogle wearing a similar cap to Brean's and a Nu Mou wearing a pointed, red hat were riding chocobos which were pulling a cart. Inside the cart was a huge crate marked FRAGILE, a moogle wearing a red-and-black jester's suit, and a human with a straw hat on his head and a quiver on his back. When Eponine rushed out to freeze them, the Nu Mou muttered something and closed his eyes. Instantly, she stopped running. She didn't fall or stand still, she just froze. Lyle, meanwhile, was watching this all from behind the inn. "Ssshe's been ssstopped! On to Plan B!"  
  
"Plan B" was Scylla's code for "go berserker on their asses until something better happens." The three ran out and rushed toward the cart, swords drawn (with the exception of Guinness, who was brandishing a knife). The gunner jumped off the chocobo, loaded a pink bullet into his pistol, and fired at Lyle. At the same time, the archer dipped one of his arrows in a bottle, pulled it out, and fired it at Colin. The two suddenly lost all their previous thoughts and memories, and only knew that now they had to protect the merchants at all costs. They took one look at the statue-still Eponine and slashed at it. Guinness watched them for a moment, reached over to stop them, then was hit square in the back of the head by a ball thrown by the jester Moogle.  
  
"Ooogh! Agh... concussion... Where am I?" Guinness didn't know anything, except that he was fighting SOMEONE. He turned around and saw his two friends beating Eponine to a bloody pulp. Figuring that he was probably on the winning team, he jumped forward and stabbed her in the back. Suddenly, she screamed and fell to the ground. She twitched, and some blood spurted from her mouth, then stopped moving. She was dead. Colin then turned on Guinness, Guinness went for Lyle, and Lyle jumped at Colin. Their three blades hitting each other brought them to their senses.  
  
"Oh, that's YOU, kupo?! I'm very kupo sorry!"  
  
"Kill... Colin... NO! WHAT AM I SSSAYING?"  
  
"What the crap? I thought you were one of the merchants!" Of course, the aforementioned merchants had ran off while this was happening, and all that they had left was Eponine's corpse. While the three were arguing, Colin looked toward the ground and saw her lying on the ground. "Oh my God, you guys... did we do this?"  
  
"We gotta get a phoenixssss down!" As if to punctuate that expression, they heard Macgregor's voice from the other end of the Jagd.  
  
"Hey, Eppie! I got some Adamantite! And Brean here won the Calling Gun! Uh, Eppie, are you there? Eponine?" He noticed her body on the ground, Guinness' knife still in her back. "Oh crap, those three scumbags were Palace hitmen! Brean! Stopshot! Now!" Without blinking, Brean loaded some gray clock-engraved bullets into his gun and took aim. Before Guinness could try to dodge, he felt the world speed up into a blur around him.  
  
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The next moment (as Guinness saw it), he was face-up in the snow somewhere. He found a note attached to his shirt. He pulled it off and read it. It said, "You hitmen try and backstab your way out of this one! The Bloodthirsters'll be showing up soon, and we've paid the judge not to interfere. By the way, Eponine's still alive. CLAN SCYLLA 4-EVER!" He looked at the ground. His allies weren't here yet, they must be handling them one at a time, or at least separately. He heard an evil cackle and wings flapping.  
  
Guinness panicked and tried to run away. Suddenly, a giant winged eyeball flew into his face and knocked him the ground. He backed away from it, only to find another moogle jester leering over him. This one wasn't nearly as innocent-seeming as the merchant, he had a scar over his right eye and an assortment of knives in his hand. "Palace punks, huh? We have lots of FUN with palace punks..." The jester followed this with an insane cackle. Guinness ran to the side, jumping out of the way of a purple, knife-holding monster, and ran smack into another Viera dressed like Eponine. This one had evil, almost demonic red eyes. She grabbed him by the back of his shirt and held him up to the air. Suddenly, a pale-skinned beast wearing a black- and-red cloak appeared right in front of him, mouth open to reveal two razor-sharp fangs. He went for Guinness' throat. Suddenly, he felt an odd feeling flow through him. Something in the back of his mind was telling him it was killing him, but it was drowned out by feelings of power, then of bloodlust. Guinness fell to the ground, ending his thoughts.  
  
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